It's at my finger tips! I can almost see it! Yep, I'm pretty sure we are almost home!!! I discussed my plan with the practitioners today about how eager I am to stay with Ethan to see how he does over night with me exclusively breastfeeding. He breastfeeds all day long just fine when I'm here. She thought it was a fantastic idea so our "SINK OR SWIM" trial started at noon. He has breastfed awesome all day with lots of pee and poop! She ordered no weight checks until tomorrow, they took out his NG, we are camped out in a room with walls and a real door that shuts! I have a bed, bathroom, and TV! They basically moved Ethan and his room to this new one. I really hope we get to stay here for the remainder of his stay. Its so nice to have a break from ventilator alarms, monitors alarms, I've beeping, babies crying... Did I mention there were 100 beds in the NICU. It's crazy when you're on the patient side of things. It is SO peaceful. I can't hear a single thing other than Ethan's little baby noises. so the plan will be to see where he is at tomorrow. I'm sure everything will be fine because he has had plenty of wet diapers. Then I do another 2 nights. Hopefully home by the weekend!!! That would be amazing.
I just don't know how much longer I can take leaving either one of my babies. I want to be here with Ethan, but home with Eli. Matt brought Eli up tonight. He helped me change a diaper for the 1st time. He was more concerned what color he pooped!?!? He is such a big helper. His little mind is so confused. I walked them outside, fighting back every tear. He wouldn't give me hugs and kisses. So I was about to shut the door and he started to cry. A very emotional cry. I asked if he was ok and he say, "NO MOMMY I JUST WANT YOU"... Yep I lost it and them he reached out to me for the biggest hug. Breaks my heart!!! But this is what I have to do for all of us.
I just want to take my baby home! So please pray for us!!!